Toxic Personalities

I’ve been reevaluating friendships over the past few years. Thinning the herd as I have come to call it, getting rid of the people who despite my calling them “friend” seem to make me miserable, people I am annoyed with more then happy with, people who cause me to be someone I am not. I found this article, 8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid that goes with what I have been experiencing. I found it so true that I thought I would share it since I know some of you out there have thinned your herds as well. And yes, I did see it on Yahoo so you may have all seen it already.

I can only hope that I am not one of these personalities to someone I currently call friend.


8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid
By Brett Blumenthal – Sheer Balance

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.
Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.
Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.
Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:
1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.
Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.
2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."
Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.
3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.
Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.
4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.
Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.
5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.
Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.
6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.
Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.
7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.
Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.
8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.
Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.

All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time. Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier.

Memorial Day

I'm getting up on my soapbox so get ready, I'm up early today so my ability to think and convey that through type may come out a little scattered or foggy.

Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service.

That means honor thy veterans, people!

The past two years I have gone shopping to get my son a patriotic shirt for Memorial Day. Our wonderful little town does a parade that goes right past our house. But as I shop for a red, white & blue shirt with a flag or a patriotic slogan all I find in the boys department are r,w&b shirts with generic sports symbols on them! WHAT THE HELL?!??

Retailers: Memorial Day isn't like the Olympics!!! It is not about sports you, morons!!! It is a day to remember those who have died for our country and honor and thank those who have survived. And say a prayer for those who are still out there fighting!!! Get a freakin' clue!!! Drop the sports crap and make some real patriotic stuff!!!

Yes, Memorial Day has become the "start of the summer season" in a lot of shore towns and yes a lot of us have picnics. Even we host an annual picnic but we all have to stop and remember what this day is really about.

Hang a new flag outside your house.

Thank a veteran

Go to a Memorial Day Parade and applaud and cheer

Make a donation to a veteran or active service member organization

Say a prayer for a solider.

Honor the brave who have fought or are still fighting for our freedom.

"We cherish too, the Poppy red

That grows on fields where valor led

It seems to signal the skies

That blood of heroes never dies."

- by Moina Michael

Memorial Day Tribute - A salute to the men and woman who have fought for our country.

A video from the History Channel website (forgive the advertisement in the beginning)

Lordy, lordy, lordy

My son goes to a Christian pre-school which we are very happy with although....
The God questions have started!
My husband and I are not overly religious people. Its just not who we are right now but we do want our son to have the basic religious education/understanding so we like his pre-school, we read the religion-based children's books my overly religious brother & wife send and encourage saying grace when my son expresses an interest (we don't say it in our house but my in-laws do, some friends and apparently they say it before snack at school). But the questions are freaking me out! He is only 3 and he's got some dousies already!

The other day, while in the middle of playing my son asks,
"Mommy, did God make toys?"
Ok, I thought, this one is pretty easy and me being logical minded I could handle it.
"Well, no, honey. Technically people make toys but God makes people."
He ponders this by muttering to himself:
"People make toys, God makes people......who made God?"

I freeze. Shit! Is my first though. He didn't direct the question towards me, he was still muttering so perhaps he won't ask. Please don't ask me. Please don't ask me.
Thankfully he did not actually ask me. Pphew. Tough question successfully avoid. One point for mommy.

Then yesterday...he and I were not feeling well so we were cuddled on the chair. My husband was about to head out to run some errands when out of nowhere our little thinker asks:
"Why did God make us?"
My husband and I both freeze and exchanged panicked-wide-eyed glances.
Fuuuuuck! How do we answer that? Can we call someone for an answer? is the silently exchanged conversation. Then my oh so brave hubby says, "Well, I gotta go. Don't worry, I shout him a mean and yet panicked Wuss!! don't leave me! You're the catholic! look at him and he stayed. We tried the psychiatrist approach...
"Why do YOU think God made us?
And the little stinker didn't take the bait! Damn it! He just said he didn't know and waited for us to tell him why!
My husband tried the overly complex answer, Well, God made mommy to keep daddy company and he made daddy to keep mommy company and he made you to keep us both company."
Yeah, even I was confused by that. I on the other hand went for something basic,
"Ummm, well honey, God made us.....ummm.....so we could all be together"
"Oh. Otay." conversation over.

Pppphhhew! Thank G.....wait a minute.....

No, I'm not crying!

I'm not a crier. I can cry. I do cry, occasionally. Movies and sad things and highly menstrual days make me cry but not not stupid little things. Perhaps it is better to say that I am not a public crier. I will not cry at the movie theater. You've all read the post about how I am at funerals. Don't like people to see the crack in my composer I guess. It's just who I am. Prideful I suppose. And this isn't about crying in public but more so the stupid little things.

Yesterday I picked my son up from preschool and he burst out of the room saying "Happy Muffer's Day, mommy!" and handed me a poem with his hand print and a small gift. He didn't mention opening it so I thought I'd wait till Sunday. That's big for me.....letting a gift wait. Real hard.

Today my cute little fellow shine through as my son and demanded I open the gift! Yay! The gift is a cute pin made from a puzzle piece, painted gold with little bedazzle jewels glued on it. I don't wear pins. Not my thing. And I know that he didn't do this by himself, the teaches tell them what to make and then help/do most of the work but, for the love of Pete, I practically started crying. Its the first gift my little guy has made for me and he was so excited to give it to me. I showed my mom when she came by and I started getting teary-eyed.

Apology update

Thank you, everyone for giving me your thoughts on this dilema. They really did help! Thankfully I did get a better apology the next day, perhaps not has bleeding-heart as one would hope for but it was better then what is normally given and I will take that.

I'm sorry but.....

Apologies. How do we accept them if they don't feel right? Do we accept them?

I need some insight here, ladies. What do you do when you really need an apology from someone someone who let you down and has been told that and they finally give it but you do not get the warm fuzzies from it? It feels like its followed by a "but......". It doesn't feel like its from the heart; doesn't feel like they feel bad for what they did.

How do you accept an apology you really want but falls short of what you need?